Episode 32 - Hocus Pocus

It's the 25th anniversary of what has somehow become a millennial Halloween classic, Hocus Pocus. Before your hosts crumble to dust, let's unpack the appeal of this 1993 Disney flick about a trio of witches determined to suck the life out of all the children of Salem, and the teenage virgin and undead cat determined to stop them. 

Episode 31 - The Dark Crystal

Join us as we journey into the brilliant mind of Jim Henson as he finds out what happens when you suck all the fun (and hot living essence) out of Muppets. We'll journey with Jen the Gelfling through a magical world, get totally grossed out by nude vultures, and ask ourselves why no one on this planet seems to have a clue how to get to Pound Town. Puppets—they're serious business. 

Episode 30 - Teen Wolf

Being a teenager is a confusing time. You have new feelings and sensations. You have hair where you didn't have hair before, like on your chest, face, back, and literally covering your entire body, and you also transform into a van-surfing, b-balling, pheromone-generating werewolf. This week, we're talking about the greatest teen horror sex sports comedy ever made, Teen Wolf.

Episode 29 - Cartoon All Stars

Join your favorite ‘90s Saturday morning cartoons as they join forces to fight the war on fun…drugs! We mean drugs. The whole crew is here—Garfield, the Muppet Babies, Bugs Bunny, ALF—and they’re on a mission to stop young Michael from gateway drugging his way into a crack habit by way of a cartoon intervention. Just say yes to Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue.

Episode 28 - Super Mario Bros.

Wouldn't it be cool to see Nintendo's lovable plumber brothers spring to life on the big screen? To thrill to them powering up with mushrooms and stomping Goombas and Koopa Troopers on their quest to save the Mushroom Kingdom and rescue Princess Peach from Bowser's clutches? We imagine it would be, but this is not that movie. This is an inexplicable dystopian mess that makes a mockery of everything that anyone whose kid hands ever gripped a controller holds dear. Join us as we take a long and painful look at Super Mario Bros. Spoiler: this movie Nintendo blows.

Episode 27 - Dick Tracy

This week, we’re discussing a film that is sometimes pretty, sometimes grotesque, and stupid throughout. We’re not sure what studio exec imagined the demand for kiddie noir, but this movie fulfilled it and then some. Join us as we untangle the dense and confusing plot of Warren Beatty’s magnum opus, Dick Tracy. 

Episode 26 - The Huggabunch Movie

Join your bamboozled hosts as they try and make sense of a toy commercial disguised as an obscure 48 minute-long TV movie about a love-starved child attempting to ward off the icy hands of death through the power of hugs. “Down with bodily autonomy! Up with voyeuristic puppets living in your mirror watching everything you do!” says this Emmy-winning film under its breath. And then, more loudly, “Buy Hugga Bunch dolls!” We’re hugging it out as we discuss 1985 relic, The Hugga Bunch Movie.

Episode 25 - Return to Oz

We are very far from Kansas, and even farther from anything resembling sanity as we dive into the dark and gritty dystopia that is the 1986 children’s horror film Return to Oz. Join us as we follow Dorothy into the blighted hellscape that once was Oz, dodging nightmarish enemies and making only slightly less nightmarish friends. Walk with us as we follow the shattered remains of the Yellow Brick Road to sort through our issues in our milestone 25th episode.

Episode 24 - Transformers: The Movie

Podcasters! More than meets the eye! Podcasters! Robots in disguise! Or, you know, actual humans who feel pain when a beloved character dies 20 minutes into a 80 minute-long toy commercial, and confusion when they try to make sense of that 80 minute-long toy commercial because their ancient brains no longer have the plasticity to comprehend an insane giant transforming robot space opera set to '80s hair metal. Join us as we try to puzzle out the plot of Transformers: The Movie. Autobots, roll out!

Episode 23 - MINISODE - The Tale of the Lonely Ghost

Join us as we revisit an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark that features reality’s most frightening monster: teenage girls. Oh, and there’s also a ghost and stuff. Whatevs. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, we call this minisode The Tale of the Lonely Ghost.

Episode 22 - Solarbabies

This week, we strap on our skates and roll into the terrible, terrible future as we discuss Solar Babies, the 1986 flop that nearly ruined Mel Brooks, and definitely ruined an hour and a half of our lives. If you’ve ever wished Mad Max had fewer cars and more teens, this movie is for you, which means this movie is for no one.

Episode 21 - Anastasia

This week, we’re diving into Don Bluth’s musical adventure about a Russian princess with amnesia. In a perfect world, we could also forget this film, but this is the life we’ve chosen. It has a villain who is also a rotting corpse! It has a baffling voice cast! It has more glitter than the bathroom floor of a strip club! Join us as we examine this very lightly based-in-reality animated feature and try to separate fact from fiction and ourselves from this movie forever.

Episode 20 - Time Bandits

This week, we’re discussing My First Monty Python Movie, “Time Bandits,” an adult film disguised as a fun comedy adventure for children, like dog medicine wrapped in cheese. It features time-traveling little people who may or may not be angels, Sean Connery, and lots and lots of cow skulls. It’s wild! It’s confusing! It’s pants-on-head crazy. Join us as we try and make Minotaur heads or tails of it. 

Episode 19 - Clash of the Titans

Release the stop-motion monsters! Release the shirtless Harry Hamlin! Release the Kraken! This week, we’re discussing the quasi-educational and entirely sexy Clash of the Titans, a 1981 special effects extravaganza starring legendary actors, mythological creatures, and a whole bunch of clay. It’s not a perfect movie, but it’s perfect to us.

Episode 18 - An American Tail

Well, we’ve finally done it. We’ve taken a childhood classic we remembered fondly and ruined it by…watching it. It turns out that a dark, gritty, heartbreaking story about the plight of anthropomorphic immigrant mice coming to America to find a better life is just as much of a bummer as it sounds like it is, with the added bonus of being incredibly irritating. Join your sick, sad hosts as we try desperately to mine laughs from the hot mess that is An American Tail.

Episode 17 - Krull

Gird your loins, take up your murder Frisbee, and let us go a-questing on planet Krull. Thrill to the adventures of Prince Colwyn and Dexys Medieval Runners as they swash, buckle, and explore fabulous evil real estate in this poorly-plotted D&D campaign of an epic fantasy film. Do it for the good of the realm.

Episode 16 - The UFOs of Unsolved Mysteries

If you were ever a terrified eight year-old lying in bed at midnight, awake and fear-frozen, trying to determine whether the lights illuminating your bedroom are from a passing car or from the aliens that are finally here to abduct you, just like you knew they would—um, trigger warning. This week, your hosts are discussing some select UFO segments of one of the spookiest TV shows ever made, Unsolved Mysteries.

Episode 15 - Howard the Duck

In your opinion, how much explicit duck sexuality is appropriate in a family-friendly adventure movie? If you said zero, congrats! You were not involved in the production of this cinematic disasterpiece, Howard the Duck. If you said anything else, you either have a very specific fetish, or you’re George Lucas. Either way, you should get that looked at. Join us as we ask questions about this movie that no one really wants answered, and dig way deeper into the world of human/duck romance than anyone wants to go.

Episode 14 - Watership Down

If only there were a film that captured all the violence, political intrigue, and horror of Game of Thrones , but made for children. Good news: there is. It’s our most-requested film, Watership Down, a timeless tale about adorable, fluffy bunny rabbits rebuilding their civilization on the rotting corpses of their enemies. It’s a blood-soaked, G-rated spectacle for the terrified child in all of us.

Episode 13 - MINISODE - Star Trek TNG - "The Game"

Remember that time when we all got obsessed with Snood and almost failed out of college? This is a lot like that, but with orgasms. In this minisode, your hosts explore their strange and confusing feelings about this season five episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, “The Game.”