Join your bamboozled hosts as they try and make sense of a toy commercial disguised as an obscure 48 minute-long TV movie about a love-starved child attempting to ward off the icy hands of death through the power of hugs. “Down with bodily autonomy! Up with voyeuristic puppets living in your mirror watching everything you do!” says this Emmy-winning film under its breath. And then, more loudly, “Buy Hugga Bunch dolls!” We’re hugging it out as we discuss 1985 relic, The Hugga Bunch Movie.

We are very far from Kansas, and even farther from anything resembling sanity as we dive into the dark and gritty dystopia that is the 1986 children’s horror film Return to Oz. Join us as we follow Dorothy into the blighted hellscape that once was Oz, dodging nightmarish enemies and making only slightly less nightmarish friends. Walk with us as we follow the shattered remains of the Yellow Brick Road to sort through our issues in our milestone 25th episode.

Podcasters! More than meets the eye! Podcasters! Robots in disguise! Or, you know, actual humans who feel pain when a beloved character dies 20 minutes into a 80 minute-long toy commercial, and confusion when they try to make sense of that 80 minute-long toy commercial because their ancient brains no longer have the plasticity to comprehend an insane giant transforming robot space opera set to '80s hair metal. Join us as we try to puzzle out the plot of Transformers: The Movie. Autobots, roll out!

Join us as we revisit an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark that features reality’s most frightening monster: teenage girls. Oh, and there’s also a ghost and stuff. Whatevs. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, we call this minisode The Tale of the Lonely Ghost.

This week, we strap on our skates and roll into the terrible, terrible future as we discuss Solar Babies, the 1986 flop that nearly ruined Mel Brooks, and definitely ruined an hour and a half of our lives. If you’ve ever wished Mad Max had fewer cars and more teens, this movie is for you, which means this movie is for no one.

This week, we’re diving into Don Bluth’s musical adventure about a Russian princess with amnesia. In a perfect world, we could also forget this film, but this is the life we’ve chosen. It has a villain who is also a rotting corpse! It has a baffling voice cast! It has more glitter than the bathroom floor of a strip club! Join us as we examine this very lightly based-in-reality animated feature and try to separate fact from fiction and ourselves from this movie forever.

This week, we’re discussing My First Monty Python Movie, “Time Bandits,” an adult film disguised as a fun comedy adventure for children, like dog medicine wrapped in cheese. It features time-traveling little people who may or may not be angels, Sean Connery, and lots and lots of cow skulls. It’s wild! It’s confusing! It’s pants-on-head crazy. Join us as we try and make Minotaur heads or tails of it. 

Release the stop-motion monsters! Release the shirtless Harry Hamlin! Release the Kraken! This week, we’re discussing the quasi-educational and entirely sexy Clash of the Titans, a 1981 special effects extravaganza starring legendary actors, mythological creatures, and a whole bunch of clay. It’s not a perfect movie, but it’s perfect to us.

Well, we’ve finally done it. We’ve taken a childhood classic we remembered fondly and ruined it by…watching it. It turns out that a dark, gritty, heartbreaking story about the plight of anthropomorphic immigrant mice coming to America to find a better life is just as much of a bummer as it sounds like it is, with the added bonus of being incredibly irritating. Join your sick, sad hosts as we try desperately to mine laughs from the hot mess that is An American Tail.

Gird your loins, take up your murder Frisbee, and let us go a-questing on planet Krull. Thrill to the adventures of Prince Colwyn and Dexys Medieval Runners as they swash, buckle, and explore fabulous evil real estate in this poorly-plotted D&D campaign of an epic fantasy film. Do it for the good of the realm.

If you were ever a terrified eight year-old lying in bed at midnight, awake and fear-frozen, trying to determine whether the lights illuminating your bedroom are from a passing car or from the aliens that are finally here to abduct you, just like you knew they would—um, trigger warning. This week, your hosts are discussing some select UFO segments of one of the spookiest TV shows ever made, Unsolved Mysteries.

In your opinion, how much explicit duck sexuality is appropriate in a family-friendly adventure movie? If you said zero, congrats! You were not involved in the production of this cinematic disasterpiece, Howard the Duck. If you said anything else, you either have a very specific fetish, or you’re George Lucas. Either way, you should get that looked at. Join us as we ask questions about this movie that no one really wants answered, and dig way deeper into the world of human/duck romance than anyone wants to go.

If only there were a film that captured all the violence, political intrigue, and horror of Game of Thrones , but made for children. Good news: there is. It’s our most-requested film, Watership Down, a timeless tale about adorable, fluffy bunny rabbits rebuilding their civilization on the rotting corpses of their enemies. It’s a blood-soaked, G-rated spectacle for the terrified child in all of us.

Remember that time when we all got obsessed with Snood and almost failed out of college? This is a lot like that, but with orgasms. In this minisode, your hosts explore their strange and confusing feelings about this season five episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, “The Game.”

Murderous revenge! Troubling racial stereotypes! Dead pets! It’s everything a children’s movie needs to leave lasting psychic damage. Join Erin and Jason as they descend into doggie hell and ask the tough questions about canine theology and the cathartic appeal of film-induced cryarrhea, as they discuss the Don Bluthiest of Don Bluth movies, All Dogs Go to Heaven.

Unicorns! Tom Cruise in a minidress! Sexy Satan in LEATHER PANTS. Thank you, Ridley Scott. Thank you a million, million times for the glitter-permeated, tonally inappropriate, cuckoo-bananas fantasy extravaganza that is the 1985 cult classic Legend. Pour yourself an acorn of elf wine and join us as Erin and Jason compare and contrast the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut, because if you think we don’t have both versions, you don’t know us at all.

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society: our very first minisode, in which Erin takes Jason on a journey into the greatest creepy tween anthology series of the ‘90s, “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” Short answer: yes. Especially when confronted by a Nosferatu, freed from his celluloid prison and slowly rampaging through an antique theater seeking vengeance. Huddle with us under the covers as we discuss “The Tale of the Midnight Madness.”

This week, Erin and Jason discuss the children’s movie that taught them about deforestation, animal testing, and Tim Curry’s villainous sex appeal. That’s right,  they’re talking about the millennial “Silent Spring”, Ferngully: The Last Rainforest.

On our latest episode, Erin and Jason find out what happens when you make a He-Man movie that takes everything you love about He-Man, removes it, and replaces it with Courteney Cox. That’s right, it’s Masters of the Universe, the terrible, terrible film that not even the power of Greyskull can save.

For the first time, Jason and Erin have totally different perspectives on the same modern cinematic masterpiece/viscerally upsetting horrorshow. Join them as they unpack the toon noir that is definitely not a film for children. Ppppplease listen.